goodbye Alice in Wonderland

I'm craving reality. This life, this place seems so... lacking. I've been provoked to think about the difference between dreaming and pretending, which at first confused me a little bit. I didn't understand the comparison, but on further reflection I've come to some conclusions. I feel young, lacking experience, and inferior. Who am I to speak? I am speaking from where I am at, not knowing all the answers, just in search thereof. I've gone back and forth in times past between dreaming and pretending. Dreaming is more the thought of pretending without being put into motion, while pretending is the playing out of a dream... but still it is only that, and can never be reality. At what point does pretending become real? There's a fine line sometimes even between reality and pretend, a line I have flirted with, a line I have crossed over, a line I have all together ignored... treating all as reality, and ultimately, as truth. My truth. That line should be completely obvious, but at some point the blinders go on and denial is embraced. Let the good times roll, but all is hebel and in vain. Pretending comes to an end... pretending is entertaining pretty lies... In search of reality and of truth, I say goodbye to Alice in Wonderland.

As of late

Recently I've struggled with priorites in my life... I've let myself fall behind in my relationship with God, my friendships, and also in my schoolwork. It's been hard for me to keep my focus because I allow distractions; not necessarily BAD distractions, just unneccessary ones that get put higher on the list than they ought. Sigh. It's days like today that I am so grateful for the love and the grace God supplies. Yesterday I came across a passage in Scripture that I have made my prayer and supplication to God:
For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith--that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with the fullness of God. Now to whom who is able to do far more abundantly than all we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen. Ephesians 3:14-21
This passage really struck me because I recently was talking to my teammate Natalie about hungering for God and him being the bread of life and just knowing that "he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things (Psalm 107:9)." In the last month Satan has been at work in my life! There have been times of doubt and frustration, and yet I didn't look to the one who could get me through it. Oh, but God is so faithful. I see now that he was there all the while, he just lacked my acknowledgement. Tonight I am filled with good things... I am satisfied... my thirst is quenched and my hunger is sated. And it is well with my soul.